hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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