Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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