Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
