I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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