Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
