someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
