if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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