Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
