The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
