just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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