I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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