I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
