dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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