laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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