Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
