in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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