I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
