You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
