Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
