a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
