i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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