Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
