i just had sex bonerless
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
