i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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