took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
