i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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