I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
