ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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