You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
