I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ruined the universe
Randomize
