I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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