If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
