I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize