I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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