I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
