Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
