He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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