I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
