and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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