U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
