for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
