This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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