Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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