he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize