Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
