i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
