I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
