I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
