well you can't waste a boner
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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