I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize