I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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