i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
