at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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