She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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