did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
