Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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