This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
