he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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