i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
