I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
