my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
