Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
