Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
