I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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