If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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