I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize