We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
