Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
