Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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