i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
