I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is wine microwaveable?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
