none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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