There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
