I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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