We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
