i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
