Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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