It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
