I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize