I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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