Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
