Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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