he was CRYING into my vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
