Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he fucked my hip out of place.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
